Neighbours

Neighbours are the most unpredictable bunch of people you will ever know.

I'm not talking about that annoying soap where everyone

talks with a foreign accent.... I mean your actual everyday neighbours.

Where ever you live you always have the 'difficult' neighbour,

.....yanno....

the one who complains about the loud parties and the

kids football that keeps going over the wall !!

What do they want you to do about the parties ?

Cancel your birthday until its an appropriate time for them ?

 Doughnuts ...

I like to imagine these kind of people as socially challenged

 idiots who sit in their houses all day long waiting for a bit of

 excitement in their lives, that may come in the form a child's small ball...

Is it just me or is that last statement creepy ?!

 Having said that it does express how dodgy these neighbours actually are !

There's always the arguers ...

In my street they come in the form of two lesbian lovers who live directly

opposite my house and also a chavy family a few doors down.

The lady lovers physically and verbally argue constantly,

 and they once smashed their own windows in...

Don't ask me, I really don't understand the concept of smashing

your own windows, you must be real special to feel that you've won the

 argument after smashing your own window...

Who's feelings is that supposed to hurt exactly ?

 Erm. Ok.

Everyone has the nosey neighbour.

My version stands outside her house no matter what weather it is,

 she lives on the opposite side of the road a few doors down..

She has an ASBO daughter who thinks it's ok to emerge from

her own house looking like a smack'ed who hasn't had her fix ..

You can just tell from the way she looks that she definitely hasn't had a bath

(unless you count body spray as a bath)

(if you do count body spray as a bath you're just disgusting)

 but that's just one of my many assumptions because in the 5years

 I've been her neighbour I haven't ever dared to get close enough

 to prove my theories correct !

My nosey neighbour also has a son who I am convinced must be suffering

 from some sort of mental lack of common sense and general

 basic intelligence, this is not another assumption, these theories were made

 concrete from the moment I saw the kid running down the road,

 at top speed,

sprinting like he was in the Olympics,

 in nothing but a bath towel. . .

Yet after all this,

the woman still gossips in the sunshine and the snow,

 in her pyjamas.. with other neighbours as if her own family are angels.

Now absolutely everyone has that one neighbour

 who they suspect of being a full blown crack dealer.

Now I'm not even talking weed or ''happy cigarettes''

I'm talking a established crack'ed factory supplier...

I know that the amount of dodgy happenings on my street is no

 coincidence, and some peoples behaviour just leads

 me to come to that one and only conclusion...

I refuse to put specifics on A.Genius as I am a valued member

of the community who would be gravelly missed if anything

suspicious ever happened to my dear self

*ahem*

but trust me folks, I'm speaking the truth.

Still Aspiring

My Life

 I sat wondering if my life is normal. 

I mean not many people can write and sustain a blog about their comical and awkward life.

Everything I write is a true and an actual event, 

and to be honest I've wondered if maybe my wild life is a little too crazy !!

Most people don't hijack a classroom with all their classmates and have a rave in our tap shoes, and playing 007 on your street trying to avoid the Jehovah's witness' is not really 

a common occurrence to most people either.

I often find myself in the most random situations thinking some utter nonsense, 

that actually leaves me wondering if I'm the only one who thinks these kind of things ...

Like ..

Do the people who put Aglets (the plastic tip) on shoelaces have to have detailed training,

or have a degree in order to be responsible for one of the most important parts of a shoe ?

..

Is it completely normal that I know how to gut a fish and complete a full makeover with a simple hairgrip ?

..

 JayZ must see Beyonce without her wigs and with no bra on ?!

..

Why do the idiots in every supermarket ask me if I would like a bag .... 

when I obviously have a trolley full of shopping and I obviously didn't bring my own bags..

Or they'll hand you 2 bags for everything, then casually ask if you need more..

'No course not, I'll just carry the rest on my head'

..

Am I the only one who takes great joy in hovering up large items such as socks and hairbands ?

I've heard its been called the 

''Hover Challenge''

and we all must do it at some point, 

yanno when you cannot be bothered to pick up the stuff on the floor,

so you stand and think how to get rid of the 'sock' without actually moving it..

I find myself staring at it for a good minute or so...

waiting, 

contemplating,

then ...

I make sure my mums not in the room 

(because she wouldn't be to happy to know how much of a rebel her daughter is)

then ''Vooooooshhh'' and the sock disappears. 

....

I've learnt to deal with the fact that I'm not normal, 

but I would hate to be normal if that means that I'm not me.

If I wasn't me, I'd still wanna be me .. ahem..

Ignore me. 

Still Aspiring

Someone change the subject ..QUICK

Everyone suffers during those awkward unavoidable moments ..

Yanno like when someone calls themselves fat and they are actually fat, 

you have three options...

A. Lie and say ''no you're not''

(which makes you a bad and dishonest friend) 

B. Agree

C. Sit and simmer in the stench of utter silence

Now these moments are harsh enough without throwing a teacher into the mix.

So there I was in dance class, and randomly there was a small stress ball at the back of the class...

Some girl nearly trips over the ball which is when my male teacher exclaims

''ARE MY BALLS GETTING IN YOUR WAY?''

Well...

The teacher carried on talking, 

but the 5 other studentsand I stood in the most uncomfortable 

situation we would probably EVER find ourselves in,

not even daring to laugh as we were trying to avoid the teacher asking the

inevitable question ''What's so funny ?''

Just another day in my life of unbearable awkwardness.

I'll soon develop the much needed lack of emotion. 

Until I do, Help.

Still Aspiring

Don't shop in NEW LOOK

I shop. 

Such a complete sentence.

Yesterday I was shopping in New Look, minding my own business.

I was in the kids section looking at the slightly disturbing hot pants

and skin tight dresses made to fit 10 year olds.  
 
 Noah Cyrus - C'mon tell me this ain't DODGY.
 ......................

You know when your shopping and you pull a item out to have a look, 

but the clothes are packed to tightly too get the item back in ... 

well I did that with a pair of shorts, 

and a sales assistant nearby made the 

loudest huffing and puffing noise

with some big sighhhhh at the end ... 
For a second I thought she was Puff the Magic Dragon

 ...

You should have seen my face,

if looks could kill 
..

it was one of them *She best not be chatting about me* moments.

... 

Then she marched over and fixed the shorts back into place and stormed away. 

I was thinking damn fool . . . no need to be so rude, 

even if she had just fixed those clothes before I messed it up,
I didn't do it on purpose.
+

It's her job to fix them properly...

...if I don't go in the shop and inspect the clothes that I want to buy
then she has no job, 

she won't be needed if there isn't anything to fix ..
then she'd have NO reason to huff.

Well who told me ? 

I cannot lie, I got a bad case of the evils ....

Jam started walking round the shop and purposely leaving clothes sticking out on the snid.

She put so much effort into fixing that first pair of shorts back, 

that by the time she was finished she would of had a full workout. 

Unfortunately I didn't stay to witness the full extent of my wrath. 

I made my way to the till

... 

to pay for my multiple pairs of hot pants 

... 

watch when I flex those babys in summer. 

Still Aspiring 

He was defo staring at ME.

My week has been such a blur ......

I had a performance with JeeJee
(Janiece Myers - a talented young lady who rocks the mic right)
as I am one of her backing dancers ....
never before have I been so scared before a performance,
because the routine had been changed last minute ...
and I mean LAST minute during the tech rehearsal.

However,
the show must go on,
professionals have to deal with anything that happens.

Yanno like when the person in charge of costumes forgot to buy my tights,
so she sent me on stage in some next, bust up, hole in crotch, laddered,
I don't have 99p to spend in Primark, tights.
Hey but I think it was OK !



--------------------------------------------------


I also went to London TWN .. my home TWN.
.with the little cousins.

I went for a christening and to see a play called
Cat on A hot Tin Roof.

The play was amazing, the cast consisted of Richard Blackwood, Adrian Lester, Phylicia Rashad, James Earl Jones, just to name a few and was directed by Debbie Allen ...

Yanno the dance teacher from the old Fame
or
The the headmistress from the new Fame
...
depending on when you were born.

I was front row festering and basking in their talent (and sweat .. not literally).
I would never lie to you .. but Richard Blackwood kept looking at me !
And I was thinking ..
''Oh Yeah .. you've defo read my Blog,''
*insert smug smile*
''and now your all starstruck and can't focus cause little ol' me is watching.''

Oh gosh I'm talking rubbish now
.... which means I really need to sleep ...

But he did look at me alot.

Still Aspiring