Neighbours

Neighbours are the most unpredictable bunch of people you will ever know.

I'm not talking about that annoying soap where everyone

talks with a foreign accent.... I mean your actual everyday neighbours.

Where ever you live you always have the 'difficult' neighbour,

.....yanno....

the one who complains about the loud parties and the

kids football that keeps going over the wall !!

What do they want you to do about the parties ?

Cancel your birthday until its an appropriate time for them ?

 Doughnuts ...

I like to imagine these kind of people as socially challenged

 idiots who sit in their houses all day long waiting for a bit of

 excitement in their lives, that may come in the form a child's small ball...

Is it just me or is that last statement creepy ?!

 Having said that it does express how dodgy these neighbours actually are !

There's always the arguers ...

In my street they come in the form of two lesbian lovers who live directly

opposite my house and also a chavy family a few doors down.

The lady lovers physically and verbally argue constantly,

 and they once smashed their own windows in...

Don't ask me, I really don't understand the concept of smashing

your own windows, you must be real special to feel that you've won the

 argument after smashing your own window...

Who's feelings is that supposed to hurt exactly ?

 Erm. Ok.

Everyone has the nosey neighbour.

My version stands outside her house no matter what weather it is,

 she lives on the opposite side of the road a few doors down..

She has an ASBO daughter who thinks it's ok to emerge from

her own house looking like a smack'ed who hasn't had her fix ..

You can just tell from the way she looks that she definitely hasn't had a bath

(unless you count body spray as a bath)

(if you do count body spray as a bath you're just disgusting)

 but that's just one of my many assumptions because in the 5years

 I've been her neighbour I haven't ever dared to get close enough

 to prove my theories correct !

My nosey neighbour also has a son who I am convinced must be suffering

 from some sort of mental lack of common sense and general

 basic intelligence, this is not another assumption, these theories were made

 concrete from the moment I saw the kid running down the road,

 at top speed,

sprinting like he was in the Olympics,

 in nothing but a bath towel. . .

Yet after all this,

the woman still gossips in the sunshine and the snow,

 in her pyjamas.. with other neighbours as if her own family are angels.

Now absolutely everyone has that one neighbour

 who they suspect of being a full blown crack dealer.

Now I'm not even talking weed or ''happy cigarettes''

I'm talking a established crack'ed factory supplier...

I know that the amount of dodgy happenings on my street is no

 coincidence, and some peoples behaviour just leads

 me to come to that one and only conclusion...

I refuse to put specifics on A.Genius as I am a valued member

of the community who would be gravelly missed if anything

suspicious ever happened to my dear self

*ahem*

but trust me folks, I'm speaking the truth.

Still Aspiring

My Life

 I sat wondering if my life is normal. 

I mean not many people can write and sustain a blog about their comical and awkward life.

Everything I write is a true and an actual event, 

and to be honest I've wondered if maybe my wild life is a little too crazy !!

Most people don't hijack a classroom with all their classmates and have a rave in our tap shoes, and playing 007 on your street trying to avoid the Jehovah's witness' is not really 

a common occurrence to most people either.

I often find myself in the most random situations thinking some utter nonsense, 

that actually leaves me wondering if I'm the only one who thinks these kind of things ...

Like ..

Do the people who put Aglets (the plastic tip) on shoelaces have to have detailed training,

or have a degree in order to be responsible for one of the most important parts of a shoe ?

..

Is it completely normal that I know how to gut a fish and complete a full makeover with a simple hairgrip ?

..

 JayZ must see Beyonce without her wigs and with no bra on ?!

..

Why do the idiots in every supermarket ask me if I would like a bag .... 

when I obviously have a trolley full of shopping and I obviously didn't bring my own bags..

Or they'll hand you 2 bags for everything, then casually ask if you need more..

'No course not, I'll just carry the rest on my head'

..

Am I the only one who takes great joy in hovering up large items such as socks and hairbands ?

I've heard its been called the 

''Hover Challenge''

and we all must do it at some point, 

yanno when you cannot be bothered to pick up the stuff on the floor,

so you stand and think how to get rid of the 'sock' without actually moving it..

I find myself staring at it for a good minute or so...

waiting, 

contemplating,

then ...

I make sure my mums not in the room 

(because she wouldn't be to happy to know how much of a rebel her daughter is)

then ''Vooooooshhh'' and the sock disappears. 

....

I've learnt to deal with the fact that I'm not normal, 

but I would hate to be normal if that means that I'm not me.

If I wasn't me, I'd still wanna be me .. ahem..

Ignore me. 

Still Aspiring

Fake gym members

So I was in the gym today.I know what your thinking .
Jam ??
Why were you in the gym ??
You fine specimen of a dancer you ??
*ahem*
getting abit carried away here.
As I was saying....
I went to the gym with zozo, and the only reason we ended up there
was because we had time to kill.
The funny part, is us on the machines pretending like we know
what we're doing and have some next workout plan.
.Sorry NO.
People walking round in their running shoes and gym shorts and business,
the only reason we were in tracksuits and trainers
was because we had just come from dance classes in college.
The contradiction occurred when we stepped
on the the cycling machine thingy.....
(see how much I know about these flab busting contraptions)
..... with our chocolates bars in hand .
Cause yanno, generally people who go to the gym
take cake and chocolate with them,
in case burning off all those calories leaves them hungry.

Really though I've heard alot of people talk about
the price of their gym membership, that they never use.

I think it's just comforting for people to know that in case
I repeat in case they decide they wanna lose weight...
the gym is waiting .
Like after 6 years you'll just wake up one day, and look at your
pot belly, and your 4 chins in the mirror and say ....

''OK Chunky monkey, time to go the gym''.
As kindsa ridiculous prices like £40 a month and they only visit the place once a year in Jamuary...
(Jamuary get it? )... to burn off their Christmas dinners.

Besides .. £40 a month buys alot of food.

Still Aspiring