My Life

 I sat wondering if my life is normal. 

I mean not many people can write and sustain a blog about their comical and awkward life.

Everything I write is a true and an actual event, 

and to be honest I've wondered if maybe my wild life is a little too crazy !!

Most people don't hijack a classroom with all their classmates and have a rave in our tap shoes, and playing 007 on your street trying to avoid the Jehovah's witness' is not really 

a common occurrence to most people either.

I often find myself in the most random situations thinking some utter nonsense, 

that actually leaves me wondering if I'm the only one who thinks these kind of things ...

Like ..

Do the people who put Aglets (the plastic tip) on shoelaces have to have detailed training,

or have a degree in order to be responsible for one of the most important parts of a shoe ?

..

Is it completely normal that I know how to gut a fish and complete a full makeover with a simple hairgrip ?

..

 JayZ must see Beyonce without her wigs and with no bra on ?!

..

Why do the idiots in every supermarket ask me if I would like a bag .... 

when I obviously have a trolley full of shopping and I obviously didn't bring my own bags..

Or they'll hand you 2 bags for everything, then casually ask if you need more..

'No course not, I'll just carry the rest on my head'

..

Am I the only one who takes great joy in hovering up large items such as socks and hairbands ?

I've heard its been called the 

''Hover Challenge''

and we all must do it at some point, 

yanno when you cannot be bothered to pick up the stuff on the floor,

so you stand and think how to get rid of the 'sock' without actually moving it..

I find myself staring at it for a good minute or so...

waiting, 

contemplating,

then ...

I make sure my mums not in the room 

(because she wouldn't be to happy to know how much of a rebel her daughter is)

then ''Vooooooshhh'' and the sock disappears. 

....

I've learnt to deal with the fact that I'm not normal, 

but I would hate to be normal if that means that I'm not me.

If I wasn't me, I'd still wanna be me .. ahem..

Ignore me. 

Still Aspiring

Keyboard Courage

It's great saying that behind your Laptop. 

I rate you highly if you plucked up the courage and 

said something you wouldn't say face to face 

 because you felt more comfortable behind the computer 

and

ended up with your husband or wife ....

The problem occurs when online arguments get out of hand ... 

phrases start to arise from the surface of the

''Keyboard Courage'' syndrome.

Such as

.. 

''Watch when I see you !!''
..
My boyfriend/brother/cousin is gonna mash you up. 
..

or my personal favorite

..

''You best hope I don't catch you pon road !''

That last one is highly ghetto, 

yet extremely effective on the easily intimidated.

The truth is no action is ever taken,

simply because they are Courageous Keyboard users.

All 'caps lock' and no confidence.

Still Aspiring

Don't shop in NEW LOOK

I shop. 

Such a complete sentence.

Yesterday I was shopping in New Look, minding my own business.

I was in the kids section looking at the slightly disturbing hot pants

and skin tight dresses made to fit 10 year olds.  
 
 Noah Cyrus - C'mon tell me this ain't DODGY.
 ......................

You know when your shopping and you pull a item out to have a look, 

but the clothes are packed to tightly too get the item back in ... 

well I did that with a pair of shorts, 

and a sales assistant nearby made the 

loudest huffing and puffing noise

with some big sighhhhh at the end ... 
For a second I thought she was Puff the Magic Dragon

 ...

You should have seen my face,

if looks could kill 
..

it was one of them *She best not be chatting about me* moments.

... 

Then she marched over and fixed the shorts back into place and stormed away. 

I was thinking damn fool . . . no need to be so rude, 

even if she had just fixed those clothes before I messed it up,
I didn't do it on purpose.
+

It's her job to fix them properly...

...if I don't go in the shop and inspect the clothes that I want to buy
then she has no job, 

she won't be needed if there isn't anything to fix ..
then she'd have NO reason to huff.

Well who told me ? 

I cannot lie, I got a bad case of the evils ....

Jam started walking round the shop and purposely leaving clothes sticking out on the snid.

She put so much effort into fixing that first pair of shorts back, 

that by the time she was finished she would of had a full workout. 

Unfortunately I didn't stay to witness the full extent of my wrath. 

I made my way to the till

... 

to pay for my multiple pairs of hot pants 

... 

watch when I flex those babys in summer. 

Still Aspiring 

Teen drinking is very bad

Drunkards
Pissed
Liquored
Smashed
Bevvied
Gone

Alcohol changes people.



I was out with my friends on Friday night,
and it was like being with a bunch of people I never knew.
The thing was they were all themselves ..
but they acted as if they were taking the piss
.. they weren't taking the piss they were just piss'ED.
Completely gone.

I've realised that there are many types of drunks.

There's the emotional drunks ...

the ones who scream 'I love you' every 3 minutes
and give you more kisses than you've ever gotten on one night.
The emotional drunks can get quite annoying,
especially when it's some random 6ft 2 man in juicy couture pants,
hugging you from the rear every now and again.

Then there is the swearers ...
Yanno the type that swear every other word and get all angry and
rilled up, about the fact that the DJ has just put on JLS,
and now he wants to ''smash his 'ed in''.

The hypos ....
Who don't seem to stop talking, or dancing like they
have a itch in a personal place and don't want to
be bait and scratch it with everyone looking.

The sleeper ....
Who need to catch five once that liquor hits their system.
This is basically half of my family aged 50 - 90.

The gossiper ...
Everyone knows one of these.
Yanno, the person who lets all the secrets go once drunk.
Talking about who was born out of wedlock,
and telling randomers where the family will is hidden.

Aww I'm so glad I was well and truly sober.
As the madness that went on was crazy for me to handle sober,
let alone drunk and unaware of my actions.
(8)Teen drinking is very bad ...
... Yo but I got a fake ID though (8)

Still Aspiring