How do you swear in Sign Language ??

Who told me to do my make-up at 6 in the morning on the M62 ?

Why did I think that I possessed the powers to prevent myself from
looking like a Panda that's been dragged through a bush backwards ?

Black eyeliner and a moving vehicle is not a good idea,
neither is doing your hair before your fully awake,
cause I ended up leaving a big chunk of hair out of my headband and
thinking I looked the business
(Dude .. that phrase ... enough said).

So we've established that I was on my way to London.
Off to my baby cousins christening, but I stopped to do some shopping.

I was in Boots, in the queue minding my own business,
and my mum told me that some deaf couple behind me where disgusted by my fur coat ...
the woman was backing away and everything ..
like she would catch foot and mouth from the fur ??
I was dying to know how to say ''It's not real'' in sign language,
I was taught how to swear in sign by PaiPai,
but I had completely forgotten what to do and was rather gutted,
because these two OAPs thought they where fur experts..walking round proper solid.

We where shopping in Debenhams on Oxford St.

and I just had to take a picture of this ... because Debenhams is a family store and this was just very UN-lady like !
You should have see the deathly stares I was getting
off some sales woman when I was taking this picture.

Before going to my aunties house my mum and I went to the hair shop and I felt so ... so ... so I can't even explain it , but I do know that once I stepped out of that shop... I knew everything was going to be OK .. I could feel the world becoming a better place .. and I knew I could face anything in life, because my hair was gonna look good.

**AHEM**

I love it when there's about 30 people staying in one house,
two 5ft 7 boys trying fit on a single bed,
and people on the sofas and madness everywhere.
Though it does scare me when you meet family members that you never knew existed and your mums like
'Oh that's your cousin'
and it makes me wonder ... imagine if some boy tries to chat to you,
do you have to ask his name .. age .. and all his blood relatives within 4 generations ??
Cause the mere thought of me dating my cousin
..... ls wrong on so many different levels ......

On the morning of the christening, the house was crazy and everyone needed to get in the one bathroom, so my cousin and I tried to wake up half and hour before anyone else, cause of course ... nobodies gonna have the same idea are they ....
Hmmmm

Our plans where foiled by my aunty who decided to run a bath, NOT a shower, a BATH..and nobody dared get in it if they valued their life,
their face or any other part of their body for that matter ..
so we ended up with 30minutes to get to the church and it was murder for the bathroom.
People getting personal because they feel they need a wash more than others
... I can smell you from here ... Fair enough ...

We finally got to the church and during the service my 11 year old cousin decides that he wants to fall asleep .. head on his chest .. on the front row
..mumbling to me ''God would want me to rest!''
... yanno as you do ...
and to make it worse theres two rows of family members
trying to not laugh whilst nudging him as discretely as possible,
meanwhile me and half of my cousins have become slightly distracted by a choir member with her legs bust wide open
.. showing the world her crotch piece and singing far to loud
as if she though she was on Britain's got Talent ... which she had none of.
And the priest was far to excited cause he kept bending over like he needed a wee,
he already looked like a paedophile on sherbet and he was trying to convince all the visitor that Jesus really loved us ...I couldn't help thinking
''if he loved me .. he'd give you the sack and get my cousin a pillow''.

It gets on my nerves though when people want to bring their annoying little kids to family occasions, and I mean the kind of kids that wanna sit on your pillow and climb all over your leather sofa, the real bratty children who's parents can't control them, and they feel like they can do no wrong.

Ohh .. and there's this dish poeple where eating ..

I'll tell you a couple of ingredients and leave you with a mental image.

Rice stew in a intestine casing.
No joke ... I stayed away.

Still Aspiring